First before everything, a disclaimer, or rather a MORAL WARNING: If you actually want to make a difference in someone's life, if you want to be a hero... PLEASE DONATE TO SOMEONE ELSE. I am begging you. I am not worth more than a single starving person or a family trying to start a small business. Even thought I would REALLY appreciate the dollardios, use them wisely. I am not wise. Don't do this.

I'm Unbloated, some stupid Linux schizo user that has pathological hatred for proprietary software. I may also be called desperate. Which is not my name, so it's strange people are calling me like this. My therapist also called me desperate. How can I tell him it's not my name...

Anyway, time for the show. Behold, the pinnacle of human desire.

This plushie. (look at the picture on top, do a surprised face then come back here)

I don't really have a deep reason or a tragic story unlike others, I still have my kidneys, my family and I are very healthy (well kind of we just lack a bit of money but WHATEVER that's how capitalism is), it's just, me. I just want a cute Gardevoir sitting next to my bed I can cuddle at any moment. Yes I do have a boyfriend, no, it's not gonna be a remplacement. Don't even bother asking me. I also have other plushies, but they don't go THIS DAMN SIZE.

I don't even like anime or Pokémon in general, I just like Eevee, and Sylveon, and Braixen, and Gardevoir and you get the plot.

No, surprisingly, I'm not a porn addict nor I'm using them to goon or whatever. I'm just very huggable. Don't come near me and ask me one however I'll slap you on the face. I'm a bitch!!!!!!!

Anyway, though I said I didn't have a tragic story, I still have a story. It's stupid.

Let's set the scene.

Basically, me crawling like a damn chud on my bed with mah phone and then I hear about some freakish news about something from the Google homepage. I geniunely don't know how the fuck this is possible that I was using the Google homepage because I already resorted to open-source and stuff like DDG. Maybe cuz I was on a dumb phone? I dunno.

I see. I open my eyes. I look. What the fuck?? Huge lookin' Gardevoir plushie on some website. So I click, because I'm very easy to distract.

I do seven clicks to decline cookies (so modern wowas), then I just read. Some plushie that is like real-sized Gardevoir just came out. I think to myself : "That's cool I wish they do that for Eevee", then I just realize what the real-sized concept is, ONE METER AND SIXTY CENTIMETERS. (or 3 eagles and 12 burgers for muricana flavored)

Wait no this can't be that big is it?

IT IS.

>WAIT WHAT THE
>WAIT LOOK AT THE MADAM HARTH THE FUCK WHY IS SHE SO SMALL
>HOW IS IT SO MASSIVE WHO IS THIS FOR?? WHO'S GONNA BUY THAT

` ` and then I just realise that :

>wait isn't that holy expensive? wait isn't it only in japan? how tf does that works? can i get one??

That's where it just snapped. I was deadass curious about that thing. So I looked up more articles and info. Since it just released, it was rough. It was indeed, only available in the japaneez. I had to think to myself :

>hmm can't i just like proxy that thing right to my country?
>actually no it's in yen how tf i have to convert it to my currency or smth

` `

Little did I know I had to pay. I realized that 15 seconds later. (please congratulate me my brain is very fast like a intel atom from 2012)

So I quickly got my goongles and I just typed "yen to euro". They call me the computer man for this btw. I'd rather be called a computer wizard. Cuz they tuff asf.

Then I just typed blindly the weird bazillion yen something. So far as I remember right, it shown... 300€. If you don't know, that is crazy hella expensive. Like actually mad expensive. That's a literal crime to my mind.

I had some plushies indeed in the past, in maximum I paid like 80€ once?? And those were like for MULTIPLE plushies. So you know, there's an actually crazy gap, but then I looked back on it, and I just went "ehhhhh why not really".

I just didn't had any idea how to get it. So you know, I looked more, and it said that it would be released in other contients in like, uh, some time. Yea.

So you know what I did?

Waiting.

The waiting game.

I hate waiting.

Then I completely forgot about it.

...

Then probably a week or two later it snapped back.

>wait that makes me think did the situation even change??

` `

So I looked back. And YES!!! It did change. It said it was FINALLY IN EUROPE!! But it was in the Pokémon Shop or whatever only... Uh... Meh I'll ask my parents to do the middle man... Finally, FINALLY I CAN GET IT, AFTER ALL THESE DAYS I CAN FINALLY G- WHAT???

"SOLD OUT".

I cannot contain my sadness over this. It's gone, it's never coming back. Comments just kept complaining about "hey is this restock hello can i have restock", it's been years. Years, my son. We're all cooked.

And then dissapointment hits harder! IT UPPED IN PRICE. 400 BUCKOS. AT THIS POINT I CAN'T EVEN GO THAT MUCH COME ON... or maybe I can, but that's the last time I get kicked in the ass like that. Right? foreshadowing incoming

Thinking to myself, since I can't buy it from there... Hm. What can I do? Oh right! eBay!...

All excited, I just looked it up, hoping to find some results... I did, very surprisingly. But were those gave me a existancial crisis? Maybe. Did they dissapoint me? Oh well I'm sorry to say it.

600 bucks.

600 FORSAKEN DABLOONS. FOR SOMETHING THAT WAS 300 EUROS FROM YEN IN THE BEGINNING.

(well achtually that price wasn't official and you get like 400 euroes becahuse that is wath the pouvkemon centhrer said)

This is literally a elderish scheme coming from eBay scalpers. I can't. I'm tired. And I just said, hell, let's just not look at it and pray for it. Like if it was gonna appear out of the sky.

And then I did, everyday. Like every actual day. Even the day where I had the biggest diarrhea of my life. It was painful, but it was in my mind, thinking I would get it one day.

Yep, my life went on. I built my own PC. I said farewell to some friends. Moved to Linux for the fourth time thinking I should straight up go to OpenBSD, my parents yelling and screaming, me having some tears in my bed cuz I didn't pet that cat that looked so interested to me... It was both full of emotions that are all normal in a human's life. Basic, straight emotions, from the range of happy to sad. From having the need to shart myself to "that tacos was a BAANGERR", it's just that. It's all this. But at what cost... If I didn't have my horifically huge plush. Nothing of it matters.

So the holy mChrist gave me a sign. Carefully browsing on Stoat and then, that stupid ass meme with the absolutely horrific sandy cheeks plushie.

The huge size of it and the way it was packed in first like a weird wrapped fish gave me disgust cuz who on hell would smash that squirrel??? Then I remembered. People had an alternative. And that led me back to the plushie I wanted. I legit forgot. I feel ashamed of myself.

Slowly thinking of it back, I thought like it was over, but then I thought of it again, why not look it up, while everything passed, and nothing's available anymore?

I desperately warm up my PC, open eBay, and look up for it.

You wouldn't believe it. I saw they are all here. Waiting for me. They were so much, and those were from actual sellers? Wow. It looked like it could be finally in front of me. Finally I could be able to hug it entirely... Oh yeah right the price I'm stupid.

Uhm, okay! Uhh, 2000 dollars.

Yep, we've gone full scalper circle. From four hundred to two grands. TWO GRANDS. FOR A PLUSHIE.

Yeah! Uh. Just SS'd the entire stuff and showed it to my Stoat server. Lmao look plushie for 2 bazillions. Then they just said 'You really want it? Start a GoFundMe, idk?'

While I could one like everyone asked, my CC doesn't do online payment, which is so damn annoying, but that let me think about my privacy. Then I remember I opted for monero, which I actually never earned anything on, because I'm stupid and poor. And then I found TODAY'S SPONSOR, KUNOOOO!!!!

Of course I'm lying I just did a DDG search and I stumbled across this. Looks cool asf, and I like it.

But anyway, it's already pretty rough. You don't ask people dollardios, you ask people creepy evil coin from the kinkerwebs. That sounds like a indian scam already, but myself I can't do anything about it, I'm desperate, let me be.

So that is it.

For once, I need your absurdity to take over. I need an entire army of funny guy that just tips for no particular reason with no particular goal with a foreign cursed scummy currency because some guy just wants a overpriced crackable-shaped pillow that they won't even bother smashing cuz they just ain't into this. THAT MAKES NO SENSE.

And this is why you should tip in. Please. PLEASE!!!!!! AAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!

Also YES I'M REAL! And not some scammer that tries to do some stupid stuff in order to be popular on the internet. Even if I was a scammer, I doubt it would actually go crazy popular whatsoever because bitcoin evil. If it was a GoFundMe? ehhh. Probably a bit more, but not much. To prove it, look at my website. I'm real. And get in touch with me on Stoat if you think i'm NOT.

And yes, this is not a joke, this is actually real. I wouldn't even trust it myself, but how well this is how things go.

Usually if the thing goes back up in the official Pokemon Center, and we have reached enough to buy it from there, I'll stop the donations from coming in (if I even can??) and I'll attempt getting one myself.

If we reach the goal (somewhere around 2100 EUR if I'm correct, extremely absurd)... Well, we're going straight into buying from a scalper. I heard it's faster compared to the Pokemon Center which apparently sometimes takes up MONTHS. I'm NOT EVEN JOKING. But at least I can finally achieve this weird piece of my life and going back into being pissed off because of employement!

Anyway. That is it. Cheers!

P.S. To whoever owns Kuno, please don't ban my entire fundraiser because I've put bad words or cuz it looks absurd. I did try my best and I don't really know how to proceed in that type of stuff. It may be absurd, but I'm just trying my best.